


Deep Waters

by katling



Series: Worthy of such faith [4]
Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 4
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Ishwari Ghale - Freeform, Mentions of Mohan Ghale - Freeform, Swearing, talk of infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-15
Updated: 2015-04-15
Packaged: 2018-03-23 01:55:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3750559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katling/pseuds/katling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Whew. Sorry. I’ve gotten angst all over the place in this one. Because my headcanon is that Ajay was a bit obsessive about tracking down all the parts of Mohan’s journal because he wanted to know more about his parents and since you can get all but one of them before you hit the end, he’d have found them all as quickly as possible. And number 19… man, oh man, that one is a doozy.</p>
<p>Warning: There are significant spoilers for Mohan Ghale’s journal entries and thus the backstory of the war and Pagan Min and Ishwari Ghale. Some of it ain't pretty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deep Waters

Ajay clambered up to the next level of the bell tower and looked around. There were only two exits from the level, the place where he’d just climbed up and a hole in the wall that would take him around to way up to the next level, so he headed over to the corner and lowered himself with a groan. He shucked off his weapons, gloves and bags and slumped against the wall. Staying the night in a bell tower wasn’t ideal but with the sky darkening rapidly and the hints of a storm in the wind, it was better than being stuck outside somewhere.

“ _Ajay. Switch._ ”

He gave a start at the sound of Sabal’s voice and pulled out his radio. He flicked it over to the channel they used for their private conversations, that being the meaning behind the simple ‘switch’ comment.

“Yeah, Sabal?”

“ _Where are you?_ ”

“Up a bell tower,” he said. “Why?”

There was a pause before Sabal replied. ” _I thought you were at Shikharpur._ ”

Ajay rummaged in his pack and pulled out a water bottle and his small torch. “I was but I thought I’d try and get the Keo Pradhana Mine as well. I got caught up in a couple of skirmishes and… well, ran out of time. The bell tower was the closest safe place to spend the night.”

“ _Ah._ ”

“Why? What’s up?” Ajay frowned as he took a drink.

“ _Nothing. I simply thought I’d join you at Shikharpur._ ”

Now it was Ajay’s turn to pause. Since they’d broken through to the north, he and Sabal hadn’t had much of a chance to spend time together. Not privately anyway. Leadership of the Golden Path kept Sabal busy and Ajay had his own tasks to carry out that kept him out in the field.

“Now I’m sorry I left.”

He heard Sabal’s chuckle over the radio. “ _As am I._ ”

Ajay looked out through the hole in the wall and swore. “It’s too late for me to get back now. There’s a shitload of wolves in this area and they’ve got the advantage in the dark.”

“ _It’s alright. I understand. It’s better that you stay safe. You’re at the bell tower between Shikharpur and the Mine?_ ”

“Yeah.”

“ _Good. Stay safe._ ”

“I will.”

Ajay shoved the radio back into his pack and scowled. He’d gotten overconfident about his ability to take down the outposts and for that cockiness, he got to spend an uncomfortable night up a bell tower on his own instead of in a bed with Sabal. He should have known better anyway. It was harder here in the north. The Royal Army soldiers here were better trained and better equipped and taking down the outposts was taking longer than it had in the south. Not to mention the fact that there was more wildlife here and it was far more aggressive. 

He sighed and pulled out some food and the new parts of his father’s journal that he’d found here in the north. He hadn’t had a chance to read them before now but it seemed like a good opportunity. Also a good way to distract himself.

As he ate and read, he began to frown. He’d picked up several more entries beyond the ones here in the north from when he’d last had a chance to read and the new ones were… troubling. He snorted when he read about the CIA contact. Willis. The bastard. He shook his head with disgust and continued reading until he got to the entry labelled Magh 1988. 

He read it again and shifted uneasily. His parents had been fighting and his father had been pissed enough to not want to come home. What’s more he’d sent Ishwari into the palace out of anger. The earlier entries had indicated that his parents had really been in love, certainly enough to defy what seemed to be the traditions about the Tarun Matara marrying. 

His frown deepened and he kept reading. The next entry seemed more measured. Tactics and strategy of what Ishwari was going to do and how she would do it. And that taking him with her had been Mohan’s idea. To protect her cover. He supposed that made sense. At a guess, he’d say her cover story was that she, as Tarun Matara, was tired of the Golden Path and Mohan and the endless fighting and she’d come to help him put an end to it peacefully. Bringing her baby son with her would make that seem real. What spy would bring her infant son into danger?

It was the last journal entry he’d found that had his jaw sagging as he stared at the paper with disbelief. It was angry and vicious and… 

His Mom had slept with Pagan Min? She’d had a _daughter_ with him?

He’d known that Pagan Min claimed to love his Mom but… had she loved him back? The previous entry had talked about peace and surrender. Had that been his Mom’s work? Had Yuma been right? Had his Mom been influencing Pagan and turning him away from the war in some way?

He read the last two sentences of the last entry. _I’m coming for you. I’m coming to correct your mistake._

Ajay shuddered and got to his feet, pacing back and forth in the small room. Willis had said that his Mom had shot Mohan. Was this why? Because Mohan had come for her to… do what? Hurt her? Hurt Pagan’s daughter? Kill them both?

Was this why his Mom had never mentioned Kyrat or his father? 

He ran a hand down his face and tried to ignore the fact that he was shaking. He’d wanted to get some answers about his Mom and his father and everything but now that he seemingly had them, he wished he didn’t. He didn’t know how to feel about the fact that his Mom had apparently had, at the very least, an affair with Pagan Min and possibly had genuinely loved him. What had she seen in him? The man was a lunatic who stabbed people with a _pen_. What had she seen that no one else did? 

At least he had an answer for why Pagan Min seemed so weirdly paternal with him. Always calling himself Uncle Pagan, seemingly unconcerned about what he was doing and even making sure that Yuma wouldn’t kill him. He’d lived with Pagan Min for… according to the journal, around two years. Had he seen Pagan as more of a father than Mohan? He didn’t remember any of it. He’d been too young for that. 

The sound of a car approaching broke him out of the thoughts that were rabbiting around his mind and he quickly shoved the journal pages back into his pack and turned off the torch. He crouched down in the corner and picked up his crossbow. Hopefully whoever had just arrived was just going to do a walk around and then leave.

He heard the sound of footsteps below and then sounds of someone climbing up. He scowled and readied his weapon and then the noises stopped just below where he was.

“Ajay?” came the sound of Sabal’s voice, pitched low and wary.

Ajay froze for a moment then he gave a sigh of relief. He put the crossbow down, flicked on the torch again, made his way over to the gap in the floor and looked down with surprise.

“Sabal?”

The leader of the Golden Path smiled up at him. “There you are. Move back. I’m coming up.”

Ajay stood and shifted backwards then watched as Sabal hauled himself up. “What the hell are you doing here?” He sighed. “I mean… well, you know what I mean.”

Sabal chuckled and walked over, pulling Ajay into his arms. “I know what you mean. I was at Shikharpur already. This was just a short trip.” He looked at Ajay closely and frowned. The younger man looked troubled and pale and did not seem very happy to see him. Certainly he was standing stiff and unmoving in his arms, so unlike his normal self. A shiver of fear went through him. Had something happened to drive Ajay away from him? “Ajay? What is wrong? Did I… should I not have come?”

The question seemed to shake Ajay out of whatever mood had gripped him and his arms came up to surround Sabal, much to his relief.

“No, I’m… I’m glad you’re here.”

It occurred to Ajay that Sabal might not like what he’d found out. The leader of the Golden Path idolised Mohan Ghale, almost _venerated_ him. What he’d found out might shatter some of that. Or he might think that Mohan was perfectly justified given what Ishwari had done. Ajay wasn’t sure which of the two he wanted to deal with but he knew he was going to have to deal with _some_ sort of reaction. Sabal already knew something was wrong.

“Good,” Sabal said with obvious relief. He did not wish to lose Ajay, not as his lover and not as the future of Kyrat. They had been apart for too long since they had broken through to the north and anything could have happened to cool Ajay’s feelings for him. “Will you tell me what is wrong?”

Ajay pulled away and began to pace again while Sabal watched with poorly concealed concern. He didn’t like that Ajay had put some distance between them but from the way he was pacing, he needed an outlet for his agitation. 

“You know I’ve found a bunch of my father’s journals?” Ajay finally said.

Sabal nodded. “You’ve mentioned it.”

“I found some more here in the north and they…” Ajay ran a hand through his hair. “Fuck. I don’t know if I should tell you.”

Sabal frowned and stepped towards him. “Why not?”

“I… _fuck_.” Ajay came to a halt and stood slump-shouldered. “My Mom went to Pagan Min to spy on him and took me with her.”

“You told me that after Durgesh,” Sabal said. He closed the gap between them and placed a hand on Ajay’s back. Ajay accepted the contact but he didn’t relax in the slightest. “You told me that Pagan Min said he loved Ishwari.”

“I think… I think my Mom loved him as well,” Ajay said so quietly that Sabal had to lean in to hear it. “She… she had an affair with him. She had a _daughter_. I have a half-sister. Mohan found out. He was furious. He said he was coming for her, coming to _correct her mistake_. I think that must be why Mom shot him. He was going to kill her and… and her daughter.”

It was the only way he could read ‘ _I’m coming for you. I’m coming to correct your mistake._ ’ That Mohan intended to kill them both.

Sabal was shaking his head. “Everyone I know says Mohan and Ishwari loved each other.”

“They did,” Ajay replied. “Very much but they… they were arguing by the time I was born. Mom wanted to fight as well but Mohan…” He rolled his eyes. He’d grown up in the US and found Mohan’s attitudes archaic. “Mohan thought women should stay in the kitchen,” he finished with a derisive snort.

“You don’t agree?”

Ajay gave him a sharp look. “You do?”

“There are women in the Golden Path,” Sabal replied defensively. “I have never stopped them joining but they shouldn’t have to fight.”

Ajay snorted again. “Neither should the men, Sabal, but if there’s a war on, it affects the women as much as the men. Why should they be denied the opportunity to defend their home just because they’re women? That attitude is stupid and makes no sense.”

“You may have a point,” Sabal said, willing to concede on this point so that he could turn the conversation back to its focus. “But… your mother…”

Ajay leaned against the wall and ran his hand down his face. “Yeah,” he said heavily. “I… I don’t know what to think about it. Though I guess I now know why she never mentioned Kyrat or my father.” He shook his head. “I just… Is this why she sent me back? So I could find out all the things she wasn’t able to tell me?” 

He looked over at Sabal and the older man’s breath caught at the miserable, defeated look on his face. 

“You hate her now, don’t you? You idolise Mohan. You probably think he was right to try and kill her and her… my half-sister.”

Sabal couldn’t deny that he had always admired and idolised Mohan Ghale. He’d been brought up on tales of the older man’s exploits and courage in creating and running the Golden Path. He’d been a boy when Mohan had died and had seen the genuine grief and despair that had caused. No one had understood at the time why Ishwari had left, except that perhaps her grief had been too great to remain in the country that would always remind her of Mohan.

And he couldn’t understand why or how Ishwari might have… loved Pagan Min. It seemed too ludicrous to be real. Pagan Min was crazy. But there was the daughter to consider. Irrespective of her feelings, Ishwari had slept with Pagan Min and had borne him a daughter. She had betrayed Mohan and everything that the Golden Path stood for.

However, looking at Ajay, he realised that everything stood on a knife edge right now. His response would either shatter everything between them on every level or bind them together closer. Did he give his honest reaction or did he lie?

In the end, he chose the middle path for once.

“I… I don’t know what to think,” he said, sounding as baffled as he felt. “Can I… see these journals?”

Ajay gave him a long unhappy look then nodded. He pulled the papers out of his pack and handed them to Sabal. He read them through quickly but thoroughly. They were… fascinating. An account of the early days of the fall of Kyrat, of Mohan and Ishwari’s relationship and the formation of the Golden Path and then the last few – the deterioration of their relationship and… Mohan’s rage filled diatribe. They didn’t make him feel any better or clear his mind. On one hand, he could understand Mohan’s frustration and anger but… why would Ishwari do that? There were no answers to that in these pages.

He looked up to find Ajay leaning against the wall, staring at the ground. He looked utterly defeated but he seemed to feel Sabal’s gaze because he looked up.

“She was my Mom,” he whispered. The look in his eyes was wounded and pained. “And I loved her. She was a good person and she always fought to keep me out of trouble, though I didn’t often listen to her. I don’t know the answers. I don’t know why…” His voice broke on that word and he stopped for a moment. “She _always_ had a reason for everything she did.” Anger started to creep into his voice now. “She was _not_ a _whore_. She hated that I… that I… went through a stage of sleeping with anything that moved. She said it cheapened me and my partner and the act itself. I can’t…”

He swallowed hard. “I can’t believe… I _won’t_ believe that she’d sleep with Pagan Min just to get information. She must have cared about him even if I can’t see why or how. She must have seen something in him or brought something out of him that no one else did. I have to believe that.”

“I…” He broke off and now a hint of defiance crept over him as he looked at Sabal. “I never knew my father but I _did_ know my mother.”

Sabal put the papers down and walked over to Ajay. He cradled the younger man’s face with one hand. “I believe you, Ajay,” he said quietly. “I… I don’t know any more about this than you do but… I do believe you.”

That, at least, was the truth. He didn’t know what to think about what Ishwari had done and what it seemed that Mohan had intended to do but he did believe Ajay. In the end, it didn’t really matter what had happened twenty-some years ago. It had happened. It could not be changed. Perhaps it could never truly be known or understood except by those who were intimately involved.

But Ajay was forced to live with it and what’s more, to live without the understanding of it. The past that he had never known had its claws in him and was dragging him down into it. In a flash of understanding, Sabal realised that his opinion didn’t matter. He could agree with Mohan’s anger and what he had apparently intended to do, he could condemn it or he could stand somewhere in the middle. It _didn’t matter_. What mattered was Ajay and from what the younger man had just said, condemning Ishwari would irreparably damage their relationship. 

“It is in the past, Ajay,” he said gently, bringing his other hand up so that he was cradling his lover’s face. “It is done and we cannot change what happened. Perhaps we will never _truly_ know what happened, only what was visible on the surface.” His thumbs moved in a caress on Ajay’s cheeks. “But you are still the Son of Mohan… and the Son of Ishwari.” He smiled a little. “Perhaps I am wrong to forget that.” He leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Ajay’s lips. “But more importantly, you are Ajay Ghale and you mean _everything_ to me.”

Ajay made a sound that was half sigh of relief and half sob and he allowed himself to be drawn into Sabal’s embrace. Sabal’s response wasn’t what he’d expected but he thought there might be more truth in it than any angry condemnations of either side. Because Sabal was right. What had happened was in the past and there was nothing he could do to change it.

“I’m so tired of all the shit, Sabal,” he said wearily. “I just came here to bring my Mom’s ashes to Lakshmana and I’ve gotten dragged into… everything. The only time anything makes sense is when I’m…” He waved a hand. “Out there.”

Sabal felt a pang and he closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to Ajay’s temple. “This is my fault. I am the one who has dragged you into this fight.”

Ajay’s arms tightened around his lover. “No… I mean, yes, you kind of did but I wanted to help. I just…”

“The water has been deeper than you thought?” Sabal suggested.

Ajay nodded. “Yeah and half the time I’m not sure if I’m swimming or sinking.”

“Do you… wish to stop?” Sabal asked. “You have done so much already and no one would fault you if you wished to set this burden aside.”

“ _No_ ,” Ajay said abruptly, looking up at Sabal. “I’ve been making a difference, haven’t I? I’ve been helping?”

Sabal caressed his cheek soothingly. “Yes, you have.” He gave a small laugh. “I don’t know if we would have come so far without you. Though you never knew him, you are your father’s son in many ways.”

Ajay did not look particularly pleased with that assessment. “Yeah, well, if I start coming after you with a gun then you know I really am him,” he said sourly.

“I meant his work with the Golden Path,” Sabal chided. “He was an inspirational leader who achieved so much. You are the same. We have been locked out of the north for so long but now? We are here and making great inroads. Thanks to _you_.”

Ajay sighed and leaned into him but made no reply. From the way more and more of his weight leaned in, exhaustion seemed to be setting in. Sabal ran a hand through Ajay’s hair and moved them towards the corner where all of Ajay’s gear was.

“Come. Sit down,” he said, getting Ajay settled before returning to pick up the journal papers and tuck them into Ajay’s pack. He sat down next to the younger man and drew him close. “Get some sleep, Ajay. I will stand watch.”

Ajay made a sleepy sound and shifted closer. “In spite of everything, I am glad I came here, Sabal,” he murmured. “Glad I met you.”

“I am glad you came here as well,” Sabal said with a warm chuckle. “Now sleep.”

He began to run his hand through Ajay’s hair and as he did, the younger man slowly relaxed against him and slipped into sleep. He reached over to turn off the torch and stared into the darkness that now surrounded them, lost in his thoughts about Mohan, Ishwari and everything the day had revealed.


End file.
